everal times in this blog, I've referred to the daunting quest of establishing Doug's real identity as a process akin to "finding a needle in a haystack". The idiom refers to finding something that is hidden in a mound of information that appears virtually impossible to find.For scientists, the quest of searching for a "needle" is the essence of what they do. If we consider the world of science as a conglomeration of data, with each scientist adding his data to the haystack, then it's logical to conclude that the "needle" would become more difficult to locate as the haystack grows in proportion. A Case Western physics research team stated that in order to be successful in finding the needle, "As haystacks of information grow ever larger--and the needles ever smaller--the search for a signal becomes increasingly difficult to find using traditional approaches. There is a need for sophisticated new statistical methods."
Sitaramam a Professor of Biotechnology at the University of Pune, India, in relationship to science, wrote "Individuals in every age spend enormous efforts gaining some knowledge. The very rarity of insights brings home the analogy of the needle in the haystack. Haystack is not simply a paradigm working overtime....Haystack is not a paradigm. Haystack is the package that gives the paradigm its colour, texture, feel, sophistication . . . anything except its essence. It comprises both the statements made to be compliant and statements omitted to avoid conflict. Kuhn’s notion of a paradigm actually refers to that pack behaviour that makes you belong to a club. You cannot call something a haystack unless the larger component in the proposition is found wanting. Usually these moves are motivated. It is strategy triumphing over technicalities."
In my situation, I had a wealth of facts offered to me by Doug. By this time, I'd already determined that some were erroneous, the question was were all of the facts erroneous and more crucial was the essence of his connection with me on a friendly plane also a farce. In analysing the facts and their corresponding relationship to each other, I stumbled upon the "needle". Yes, I'd found the virtually impossible. I identified him: a name, an address, a profession, his identity was, for the first time in nearly a year, very clear. Success? Not really. Although I knew he wasn't Doug Reynolds, nor was he a businessman, in fact, there were few facts about his personal life that were accurate. What emerged from this very excruciating discovery was yet another puzzling dilemma.
Prior to encountering Doug, I'd been very deeply betrayed by my ex-husband, and although I shall never be able to condone his reprehensible actions, there was some sort of explanation for his devilish undertaking. DF could not have remained in this country were it not for our former marriage. I'd been a tool used in his quest for a green card. Indeed, that was his "prize" and as the saying goes "desperate times call for desperate measures", he'd been driven to this end, no matter what casualty or what he might have to do to me in order to achieve it.
However, I served no purpose for Doug. He could achieve nothing from me, and knowing that I'd been so deeply hurt from the betrayal at the hands of my ex-husband and KMC, why would Doug submit me to such gut wrenching, shocking and excruciating pain all over again? Was it accidental? Was there another purpose for our meeting. I knew I would never be able to be close to anyone again, until I knew the answer.
By Christmas 2004, I was certain of Doug's real identity. I'd stumbled across the web page that discussed a position he held at Sealand of the Pacific in San Juans as a whale trainer in early 1990, which then provided me with search terms that would lead me to his current web site, complete with photographs and description of his life's work in biology. The incongruous facts slipped away, but what emerged was a sense for his mysterious manner. Seeing his photograph featured on his website, an image of the same man, but at least a decade older than the one he'd sent to me was comforting in one sense and extremely painful in another. I felt as though someone had thrust a spear through my heart. He was my friend for more than a year..... My only friend in a world that had become so very hostile and unsafe.
It wasn't the fact that he'd sent me a photograph that was clearly taken some years ago, nor was it that he wasn't in the profession he'd declared, nor was it that he was not "available" ~ those issues were not the source of deep pain. No, it was the discovery that my sole friend and the only person I'd been in contact with for almost a year had mislead me even though he knew that I'd been hurt so badly before. It was the knowledge that he knew what another act of betrayal could do to the only thing I'd retained from my marriage ~ hope for the future. What did that say about the way he had regarded me as a friend or a human being? Was anything that he'd shared with me real? Was there some other reason for our lives collided as they had? These questions would haunt me through the rest of the month of December 2004. I was stunned, numb and despondent. I felt completely alien and removed from society; unable to ever feel consider emerging to get to know anyone again, yet needing to know why "Doug" would have been promoted to masquerade as he did.
That Christmas Day, while the rest of the world enjoyed the company of family and friends, under a new avatar, I joined the two alternate immigration news groups on which Doug still participated to read and try to find the answer to the aching questions.
I would never have expected what was about to happen in the next few weeks....
In my situation, I had a wealth of facts offered to me by Doug. By this time, I'd already determined that some were erroneous, the question was were all of the facts erroneous and more crucial was the essence of his connection with me on a friendly plane also a farce. In analysing the facts and their corresponding relationship to each other, I stumbled upon the "needle". Yes, I'd found the virtually impossible. I identified him: a name, an address, a profession, his identity was, for the first time in nearly a year, very clear. Success? Not really. Although I knew he wasn't Doug Reynolds, nor was he a businessman, in fact, there were few facts about his personal life that were accurate. What emerged from this very excruciating discovery was yet another puzzling dilemma.
Prior to encountering Doug, I'd been very deeply betrayed by my ex-husband, and although I shall never be able to condone his reprehensible actions, there was some sort of explanation for his devilish undertaking. DF could not have remained in this country were it not for our former marriage. I'd been a tool used in his quest for a green card. Indeed, that was his "prize" and as the saying goes "desperate times call for desperate measures", he'd been driven to this end, no matter what casualty or what he might have to do to me in order to achieve it.
However, I served no purpose for Doug. He could achieve nothing from me, and knowing that I'd been so deeply hurt from the betrayal at the hands of my ex-husband and KMC, why would Doug submit me to such gut wrenching, shocking and excruciating pain all over again? Was it accidental? Was there another purpose for our meeting. I knew I would never be able to be close to anyone again, until I knew the answer.
By Christmas 2004, I was certain of Doug's real identity. I'd stumbled across the web page that discussed a position he held at Sealand of the Pacific in San Juans as a whale trainer in early 1990, which then provided me with search terms that would lead me to his current web site, complete with photographs and description of his life's work in biology. The incongruous facts slipped away, but what emerged was a sense for his mysterious manner. Seeing his photograph featured on his website, an image of the same man, but at least a decade older than the one he'd sent to me was comforting in one sense and extremely painful in another. I felt as though someone had thrust a spear through my heart. He was my friend for more than a year..... My only friend in a world that had become so very hostile and unsafe.
It wasn't the fact that he'd sent me a photograph that was clearly taken some years ago, nor was it that he wasn't in the profession he'd declared, nor was it that he was not "available" ~ those issues were not the source of deep pain. No, it was the discovery that my sole friend and the only person I'd been in contact with for almost a year had mislead me even though he knew that I'd been hurt so badly before. It was the knowledge that he knew what another act of betrayal could do to the only thing I'd retained from my marriage ~ hope for the future. What did that say about the way he had regarded me as a friend or a human being? Was anything that he'd shared with me real? Was there some other reason for our lives collided as they had? These questions would haunt me through the rest of the month of December 2004. I was stunned, numb and despondent. I felt completely alien and removed from society; unable to ever feel consider emerging to get to know anyone again, yet needing to know why "Doug" would have been promoted to masquerade as he did.
That Christmas Day, while the rest of the world enjoyed the company of family and friends, under a new avatar, I joined the two alternate immigration news groups on which Doug still participated to read and try to find the answer to the aching questions.
I would never have expected what was about to happen in the next few weeks....
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