The paradox of solitary confinement

he juxtaposition of the word “solitary” with the word “confinement” seems like a paradox to me. Solitary, an adjective derived from the noun solitude, is an emotional and physical state of seclusion or removal, an aloneness that is by choice. Yet in terms of the punishment described above, it is done by force or is foist upon an individual, with an interest to either remove from harm or to make certain he or she harms no one else. How then could it then be done by choice? Nonetheless, in my case the solitary confinement was forced upon me by no act or choice of my own.

Darwin and evolutionary biology aside, I think that most of us concur that the human species is social in nature. John Bowlby, a British psychoanalyst, who achieved notoriety for his study of “separation”, claimed that it is a natural survival instinct that drives us to maintain proximity with members of our tribe and if forced to be apart, especially as a vulnerable member, represents a very perilous situation. Individuals without the interconnectivity of community feel the fear of isolation instinctively and that impacts the ability to survive the predator.

Solitude and loneliness: both may appear similar on the surface, but they are wholly different. Yes, despite these two terms being used interchangeably, the distinction between them is vast. Both are characterised by aloneness, but that is where all similarity ends. Solitude is a positive state of choice ~ usually used for reflection, growth or rejuvenation. Solitude is refreshing cultivation and, as such, it is an act of restoration of both body and mind – a time of replenishment.

Unlike solitude, loneliness is a distressful condition and state that leads to complete depletion rather than to restoration. Yes, loneliness is being shunned, rejected or estranged from people and starved of the physiological rewards that companionship of friendships or community can bring. Loneliness is not synonymous with depression and grief, although both can lead to loneliness. Loneliness is a negative state, marked by a sense of isolation. Others often perceive it as a character flaw, a sign of some undesirable trait or ineptitude. And often the chronically lonely are denigrated by others and brushed off as psychologically impaired. And as contradictory as it may sound, it is possible to be in a crowded place, filled with people and still be lonely. Others impose loneliness on you and everyone is oblivious to the fact that you're there by yourself when you don't want to be. Yes, that is loneliness at its most bitter.

January 1, 2005, the beginning of a brand new year. A marriage, a family and now a company dismantled. A cherished friendship with "Doug" in a state of perpetual limbo and quite possibly based upon specious words of kindness and compassion ~ maybe even as hollow as the building that once served as the hub of commerce and the source of my livelihood. I found myself rattling around in a terminus that had once been a buzzing hive of activity, now empty save for myself. While bitter wintry winds howled outside, inside I could only hear the clatter of my own footsteps across the terrazzo flooring echo through the long concourse arcade. I’d gaze through the frosted windows to watch the rest of the world pass by. My computer was the only gateway to the outside yet I sensed that no one out there was even aware that I existed.

I drafted the letter to Doug several times before it was ready to send...