"To soothe the thoughts that plague me so.."

usiness-related meetings with the Japanese were finalised in 3 days. Although not an extensive period of time, CMR still took time to make contact with me sporadically during the day. And certainly, after meetings were finished in the late evening he'd check to see if I was still in the office and online. The break in chatting permitted me to catch up on my projects, and I had nearly completed the Annual report.

I felt like a moth being pulled by forces beyond my control towards a single light in the darkness, and yet the moment I'd see his IM appear on the screen "Sweetie, are you out there?" my efforts towards restraint were unsuccessful. It was too difficult, I missed this incredible friend, no, I missed this passionate man, whose full identity was still a mystery to me.

It would be better to be cool
It's not time to be open just yet
A lesson once learned is so hard to forget
Be still my beating heart
Or I'll be taken for a fool
It's not healthy to run at this pace
The blood runs so red to my face
I've been to every single book I know
To soothe the thoughts that plague me so
I sink like a stone that's been thrown in the ocean
My logic has drowned in a sea of emotion
Stop before you start
Be still my beating heart
Restore my broken dreams
Shattered like a falling glass
I'm not ready to be broken just yet
A lesson once learned is so hard to forget
Be still my beating heart
Be Still My Beating Heart ~ Sting

I'd be divorced in a matter of 90 days. I'd create mental imagery of the passions we shared in chat to tide me over, and wait with baited breath, until we could meet. I'd been wondering if I was the only one who felt this way. That would be answered by his next question.

"Do you have this affect on all men?" he asked. "What affect?", I replied. He said, "Desire. You dominate my thoughts to the extent that I am going to go bankrupt if I continue to allow my emotions to be swept away by your passionate energy."

The following IM was waiting for me the next morning

"Won’t you allow me to hold you tight, never letting go, feeling the comfort and safety of the love that penetrates your soul? You are home, you are wanted, you are cherished and you are mine."