As I fumbled with Yahoo mail to open his email, CMR went on to explain that he had felt sick, and without appetite. Like someone punched him in the stomach. He, too, had not slept.His next comment was,
"I dream of you, I long for you, and then I get broad-sided for trying to give you the space and respect that you deserve".
Nervously awaiting the email to load (I dislike Yahoo for that very reason) I answered that I was so very sorry for putting him through any discomfort. It was never my intention.
I paused as I read the page-long email where he apologised for his inappropriate advances. He explained that he felt foolish as he had arranged for his company jet to pick me up and fly me down to Florida for Valentine's Day and was now terribly embarrassed to have assumed that I would accept. He shared that he admired my loyalty and devotion to a marriage, even though it was in a terminal status, and that because he had less willpower than I, and wanted to act upon his desires, he'd obviously misread my signals and passionate pleas. He was so very embarrassed for not acting as a gentleman and would now step aside for 90 days until the divorce was over out of respect for me. His reason was to limit the pangs that our contact was creating in him. He provided me with a means to contact him at his office in Tallahassee when the time came. It wasn't in the form of a phone number, but rather a couple of cryptic clues as to type of business, and his position. He would be reserving his co-pilot seat aboard "Folie" for me.
He signed it "Doug".
I felt just awful. Here I had thought the worst and practically accused him of being disingenuous in his intentions, and yet it was clear from his email that he felt humiliated by my apprehension and had taken it as a rejection of him. He had taken a leap of faith only to meet with resistance from me. It was not at all what I had wished to convey. I was doing it out of respect for him, as it would only be a matter of a few months before I would be divorced and I thought, given his stature, I carried a certain stigma, being at the terminal stage of my marriage. Before I could completely digest the information in the email, he said he had to go to a meeting and would check in with me later that day.
There was no question in my mind that I felt the exact same feelings he did. I had been keeping them at bay, as best I could, to make the distance and the next few months easier for us both to manage. I'd never expected to meet someone, let alone someone that was so compassionate and caring as he.
I paused as I read the page-long email where he apologised for his inappropriate advances. He explained that he felt foolish as he had arranged for his company jet to pick me up and fly me down to Florida for Valentine's Day and was now terribly embarrassed to have assumed that I would accept. He shared that he admired my loyalty and devotion to a marriage, even though it was in a terminal status, and that because he had less willpower than I, and wanted to act upon his desires, he'd obviously misread my signals and passionate pleas. He was so very embarrassed for not acting as a gentleman and would now step aside for 90 days until the divorce was over out of respect for me. His reason was to limit the pangs that our contact was creating in him. He provided me with a means to contact him at his office in Tallahassee when the time came. It wasn't in the form of a phone number, but rather a couple of cryptic clues as to type of business, and his position. He would be reserving his co-pilot seat aboard "Folie" for me.
He signed it "Doug".
I felt just awful. Here I had thought the worst and practically accused him of being disingenuous in his intentions, and yet it was clear from his email that he felt humiliated by my apprehension and had taken it as a rejection of him. He had taken a leap of faith only to meet with resistance from me. It was not at all what I had wished to convey. I was doing it out of respect for him, as it would only be a matter of a few months before I would be divorced and I thought, given his stature, I carried a certain stigma, being at the terminal stage of my marriage. Before I could completely digest the information in the email, he said he had to go to a meeting and would check in with me later that day.
There was no question in my mind that I felt the exact same feelings he did. I had been keeping them at bay, as best I could, to make the distance and the next few months easier for us both to manage. I'd never expected to meet someone, let alone someone that was so compassionate and caring as he.
Thoughts warmed me of a blossoming friendship, with possibly more that could develop between us. I glanced at the horizon and the sunshine was breaking through the snow-laden clouds.
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