"Graviora manent"
DF moved back in that night, January 17, 2003. I was disappointed that my recommendation to take things slowly had been disregarded. I'd hoped that we could continue to spend time together and see how things developed before taking that kind of a step. His rationale was that he felt it wrong to date me and continue to live with KMC, and although I thought that completely absurd, she was a paramour and I, a wife, but when he explained that he was done hurting people and didn't wish to hurt her, I also agreed that there was no reason to create discomfort for anyone else. I was happy to resume married life, but knew it would take effort to repair the damage done.
Strained relations with my family exacerbated the isolation, most likely providing perfect opportunity for DF to make the next few recommendations that would turn out later to be fateful errors on my part. And there was the issue of the status of the affair. Even though he declared that the affair was over, her cell phone was still in his possession and he saw no problem with keeping it as calls to Europe were gratis on a plan she had through her company. This annoyed me. I don't believe in accepting charity, certainly not when our standard of living was very comfortable. I had a position that was highly remunerated and we could well-afford it, whatever the cost. This discussion also revealed that DF's attorney fees for the divorce had been paid by KMC, and despite withdrawing that petition from the courts, she required reimbursement.
Claiming he had no money left from that which I'd given him when he left, or from his salary earned in the meantime, he couldn't end their relationship until she was paid. Anxious to remove the third party in our marriage, I asked how much he owed. I received a phone call from KMC demanding a certified check in the amount of $2,500.00 the next day. I assured her that I would issue a check from my account, but to ask for it to be certified was an insult and reiterated DF's desire that, upon receipt, I hoped they would cease all contact. She agreed.
Fully prepared to make every effort to forgive the affair, and knowing that the success of our marriage reconciliation depended upon rebuilding trust, I worked fastidiously on making sure I kept that promise. DF and I both concurred that questioning and referring to the tryst would place unnecessary burden on the large task that lay ahead. Monitoring someone's activities to make certain all was as represented went against everything I held important in life. I can't live looking over my shoulder, nor would I wish for anyone I love to, either. On the face, all appeared to be going well, the third party disappeared and despite the absence of my family, our relationship continued to improve.
Strained relations with my family exacerbated the isolation, most likely providing perfect opportunity for DF to make the next few recommendations that would turn out later to be fateful errors on my part. And there was the issue of the status of the affair. Even though he declared that the affair was over, her cell phone was still in his possession and he saw no problem with keeping it as calls to Europe were gratis on a plan she had through her company. This annoyed me. I don't believe in accepting charity, certainly not when our standard of living was very comfortable. I had a position that was highly remunerated and we could well-afford it, whatever the cost. This discussion also revealed that DF's attorney fees for the divorce had been paid by KMC, and despite withdrawing that petition from the courts, she required reimbursement.
Claiming he had no money left from that which I'd given him when he left, or from his salary earned in the meantime, he couldn't end their relationship until she was paid. Anxious to remove the third party in our marriage, I asked how much he owed. I received a phone call from KMC demanding a certified check in the amount of $2,500.00 the next day. I assured her that I would issue a check from my account, but to ask for it to be certified was an insult and reiterated DF's desire that, upon receipt, I hoped they would cease all contact. She agreed.
Fully prepared to make every effort to forgive the affair, and knowing that the success of our marriage reconciliation depended upon rebuilding trust, I worked fastidiously on making sure I kept that promise. DF and I both concurred that questioning and referring to the tryst would place unnecessary burden on the large task that lay ahead. Monitoring someone's activities to make certain all was as represented went against everything I held important in life. I can't live looking over my shoulder, nor would I wish for anyone I love to, either. On the face, all appeared to be going well, the third party disappeared and despite the absence of my family, our relationship continued to improve.
Appearances can be deceptive ~ Greater dangers await
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