arch is typically a gloomy month in these parts. Winter's transition into spring brings unpredictable weather patterns. The sun periodically makes a brief showing only to disappear behind ominous clouds that roll in across the vast lakes and distribute alternating showers of rain, hail and sleet. The once stark, white piles of snow, now dirtied with road grime, tower in the parking lots as somber reminders of the harsh months that have passed.
Likewise, my spirits were dreary too. I missed the companionship I'd enjoyed so much and Doug's unannounced departure was uncharacteristic and contrary to his promise never to abandon me. It was hard not to reminisce on the months of witty discourse that we'd shared and not notice how days, now, were completely devoid of excitement and stimulation.
The "Famous Five" would congregate a couple of times during the remaining weeks in March. Conversations still focused on recent ILW drama and queries about our own "Julian's" absence. I'd made a pact with Doug not to share any personal details he'd offered about his life with anyone else, and so opinions would abound as to why he had simply vanished. Nor did I speak of the information I'd been given by the ILW administrator, either. Frankly, I didn't believe it, nor did I care or think it at all important.
It became clear to the group that my typical jovial demeanour had changed, somewhat. Our chats rarely lasted into the wee hours of the morning, as they had while "Julian" was present. I was sad and I suppose seeing that prompted the group to offer whatever comfort they could. Some came in the form of encouragement; some came in the form of advice for me to "forget him". Stoic in my loyalty to him, and confident that I knew him a little better, perhaps, than the rest, I was neither willing to accept that advice, nor inclined to believe that the friendship we'd developed could be forgotten like that. I'm sure, in retrospect, it was my intransigence that caused one of the group to reveal content of an earlier chat in which Doug had apparently declared some of his 'real' feelings towards me.
It was heartbreaking to read the words on the screen, let alone believe them. I was gazing at the computer screen; the chat between other members of our group rolling up the screen and disappearing out of sight. I was unable to respond, stunned and numb.
A lump formed in my throat as I struggled to fight back the rush of tears that were welling in my eyes. Thank God, in this instance, that the computer screen conceals emotions. After a few minutes of enquiries from each of them if I was still online, I gathered myself to type the words "Yes, but I have to go now, good night! See you around".
This would be the last time the "Famous Five", or more specifically, the "Remaining Four", would chat.
Until spring comes, nightingales do not sing ~ Proverb
Likewise, my spirits were dreary too. I missed the companionship I'd enjoyed so much and Doug's unannounced departure was uncharacteristic and contrary to his promise never to abandon me. It was hard not to reminisce on the months of witty discourse that we'd shared and not notice how days, now, were completely devoid of excitement and stimulation.
The "Famous Five" would congregate a couple of times during the remaining weeks in March. Conversations still focused on recent ILW drama and queries about our own "Julian's" absence. I'd made a pact with Doug not to share any personal details he'd offered about his life with anyone else, and so opinions would abound as to why he had simply vanished. Nor did I speak of the information I'd been given by the ILW administrator, either. Frankly, I didn't believe it, nor did I care or think it at all important.
It became clear to the group that my typical jovial demeanour had changed, somewhat. Our chats rarely lasted into the wee hours of the morning, as they had while "Julian" was present. I was sad and I suppose seeing that prompted the group to offer whatever comfort they could. Some came in the form of encouragement; some came in the form of advice for me to "forget him". Stoic in my loyalty to him, and confident that I knew him a little better, perhaps, than the rest, I was neither willing to accept that advice, nor inclined to believe that the friendship we'd developed could be forgotten like that. I'm sure, in retrospect, it was my intransigence that caused one of the group to reveal content of an earlier chat in which Doug had apparently declared some of his 'real' feelings towards me.
It was heartbreaking to read the words on the screen, let alone believe them. I was gazing at the computer screen; the chat between other members of our group rolling up the screen and disappearing out of sight. I was unable to respond, stunned and numb.
A lump formed in my throat as I struggled to fight back the rush of tears that were welling in my eyes. Thank God, in this instance, that the computer screen conceals emotions. After a few minutes of enquiries from each of them if I was still online, I gathered myself to type the words "Yes, but I have to go now, good night! See you around".This would be the last time the "Famous Five", or more specifically, the "Remaining Four", would chat.
Until spring comes, nightingales do not sing ~ Proverb
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